actually, I'm a sock model
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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