He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
