I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have already put on my inside pants.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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