So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
