Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
