4 words: hood of his car
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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