i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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