I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
