Apparently you make a good broom.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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