Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
