How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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