so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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