I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
