we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
