Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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