Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
