dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
