Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize