walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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