Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
