What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
