I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
