I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
