I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
