We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
