omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
