I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
