My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
