you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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