It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
