The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
