census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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