Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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