My brain says no but my pants say off.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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