he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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