I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This girl is more easily done than said...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
