I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
