Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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