Jerry, you need to find god
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
