Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
