Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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