I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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