Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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