Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
