i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
