I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
