I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
