fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
