Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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