The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
