Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
