Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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