Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sext me about skeletons
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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