a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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