Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
