Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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