planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
