you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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