I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
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my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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