bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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