Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
