he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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