how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
