is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
