I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
