I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
