god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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