Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
