I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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