dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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