that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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