i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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