I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
