Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
