hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
