the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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